Human tendencies

Song of the day: Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song"
(I love this time of year...I wish I was in San Francisco, feeling the nip of the cold air hitting my face...)

My sister came to visit for about a week and a half. She came on November 16 and left just a couple of nights ago. It was by far one of the most up and down times we've had together. There was tears of sadness and joy. There was much laughter, hugs, and kisses. There was also lots of awkward moments and painful realizations. Nonetheless, it was lovely.

After much discussion and time with my sister, I've come to the realization that as we grow older there are things about us that are hard to change. Really hard. Even if someone calls you out on it, it's hard to figure out a tangible way to change yourself. I've also come to realize that my sister and I are growing apart in our interests, thoughts, and lifestyles. What is luxurious to me isn't so much to her. What I find hilarious, she often finds juvenile. What I find fun, she often finds a bit of a bore. It was heartbreaking at first when we didn't seem to be jelling as well as we usually do when we get together. At the same time, I still felt connected to her core. I knew the Unnie I grew up with was inside there. It's just so clouded by the worlds we live in and how it has changed us. I wish things could be the way it used to be when we finished each others' sentences and inspired each other to like things that we hadn't discovered yet.

Why are we the way we are? I've been really thinking about that in my own life a lot lately. Why do I have so many hang-ups? I know I've been hurt many times before by my parents, guys, friends, teachers, etc. Have all those scars hardened me so badly that I can't move forth? I hope not. I just wonder why we all have these crazy sides to ourselves that seems to get increasingly more unmanageable and inflexible as we grow older. Sigh~ I hope that God would continue to heal me so that I could truly embrace the day for what it is. I hope that I could the world around me with new eyes like I used to. Like a child. I just want to be able to have that kind of wonder I used to have before the world had its way with me. Only God can give me even a sliver of hope for that. May I one day rid of these demons that take control over me.