Out with resolutions

Song of the day: 2NE1's "I Am The Best"
(This song is just fun and pumps me up.)

2012 has officially begun.

It's so natural to say, "Okay, my resolutions this year are..." I've done it almost every year and failed miserably.

This year will be different. I'm not just saying it and deciding to rely on sheer will to get me through. I'm going to have a plan and it's going to be something I'm going to try very hard to see as a lifestyle change no matter how others may take it. I care so much about what others think that if they don't like hanging out with me because I don't eat cookies, ice cream, fried foods, etc. I fold and decide that it's more important to make others like being around me. No more! I am not letting fear of man hold me back any longer.

Everything around me is against me. Nathan eats horribly and brings me home "surprises" all the time, which usually consists of something that is refined, sugar-filled, and completely of no nutritional value to anyone's body. My in-laws try to eat healthy but constantly eat Chinese take-out, desserts, and the like. There's always tons of sweets in the house on any given day. We don't have our own place so I can't control what comes into the house, but I can control what goes into my body. I have two kids to live for now. They matter more than what others may think of me. As they're getting older and more active I see how important it is for me to have the energy and health to keep up with them. I want to be around for as long as I can for them. I want to see both of them grow into amazing women. I want to be there to see them get married. I want to be around to be an incredible grandmother that showers my grandchildren with love, comfort, and wisdom. I want to maybe even be around to see them get married as well. That would be a dream. I don't stand a chance to do those things if I keep going the way I've been going this past 1-2 years. I used to be incredibly healthy. Then, I met Nathan. With each year that we've been together, my eating habits has gotten increasingly worse. At first, I started putting red meat back into my diet. Then, I started eating white/refined grains. After a while, I started eating straight up fried and sugar-laced foods. Now, I eat sugar on a daily basis and have given in to allowing my children eat so much starch and carbohydrates because everyone showers them with it.

I need to stand up for them. I need to stand up for myself. I will be healthy again. I won't allow myself to deteriorate little by little. I will not feel random pains all the time. I have decided to take care of myself for the sake of my family and God's work through me. I don't want to be skinny. I want to be strong. I want to be able. I want to be active. This year I will go on hikes. I will take time in the morning to spend with the Lord while I exercise even if it's just for a handful of minutes here and there.

Another big thing is to work on being more considerate and conscientious to others. I think I get so caught up in my own life that I don't think twice about what others may be going through. I need to exercise that part of my brain. I need to make greater efforts in calling, writing, and just being in touch with my friends and family. I love them, so I need to start showing them more. I've just been so stressed out about raising two kids and dealing with all of the madness of our lives here that I don't outside of my world as often as I'd like. Maybe I could make it up to you by making the sauce really yummy.